Two-star review

Yeah, that flat white from BBs Cafe. I’m not letting that go, ever.

You can review anything these days. Anything.

Once, it was just movies or restaurants. Then the reviews were about the teachers. Remember Rate My Teacher?

Mr Tobley is ok I guess, I did get an Outstanding in Scholarship but I suggest he gets more with the times. I myself was a complete prick for the whole 13 years I was at school though.

Joffrey Lannister

Now it seems you can review almost anything, and the Trade Me feedback system was probably the gateway drug to this scourge.

Unbelievably, you can review the Flavian Amphitheater, the Trevi Fountain and other landmarks, and people are actually only giving two or three stars.

You can now review your local native bush. It’s not as if reviewers are necessarily angry with the ponga or bird call, but there are those that will take to the keyboard at absolutely any opportunity to audit a person, a business, an inanimate object. Where will it lead?

Google review: The carpark at Countdown Grey Lynn

“Get ready to rumble. I’ve been in heaps of carparks and this wasn’t great tbh. Management need to step up as my Prius was low on juice and there were no charge stations. Also, heaps of people walking in the carpark, please provide cycle ways also.”

Paul Le Croissant

Trip Advisor: Cobb ‘n’ Co, Invercargill

“We just wanted a table for 50 of us, they were pretty unaccommodating actually. It was Friday night, we were completely faceless and just felt like giving them our patronage but they turned us away. We ended up in the gaming room adjacent, waiting for 20 minutes until a table came up. The one plate of narchoes (sic) we ordered between us looked a bit sad.”

Dazza B

Google review: The piece of grass between the district council buildings in Gore and the public footpath next to it.

“It’s like they’ve let buffalo grass seed there, very uneven, you could trip over it. Bad look, Gore.”


Please stay tuned as we continue next week with reviews of the toilets at the Metallica gig, the water machine at Lunn Avenue White Cross and the Greerton bus stop outside the RSA.

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