Magnamail Magic

What do you reckon is the wackiest thing you can get from the Magnamail catalogue?

Is it the cat that you place on your lawn, with glowing eyes, that scares away birds?

Is it the hip-and-cool Mom tracksuits, polyester throughout?

Is it the food umbrella, wide enough to protect all of your cold-cuts from pesky bugs?

As I write this I’m tempted to buy all the paraphernalia that goes with lap-top based work. Surely there’s some sort of robot tray that will also hold my cup of Horlicks and my latest copy of Best Bets, perhaps there’s some kind of foot rest that’s on such an incredible angle, maybe made for people who also bought the Hobbit feet in the footwear section, what about a lumbar pillow to cure my sciatica…people, let’s find out!

1. Armrest organiser

M8 look at this! I’d swap out the Healthy Meals for Suduku, but apart from that, while I sit in my comfy lounger listening to Leighton Smith tearing a caller a new one, I can relax in the knowledge that my television can simultaneously be tuned into the ads about the oven that cooks with air.

2. Heater for ants

While I’m surfin’ up a storm using the ASK toolbar that somehow got there, I can plug this in—wow, so safe! I’m grateful it has two ‘on’ switches, for safety.

3. Reading Tray

The description is very specific.

“Now you can comfortably read, write or complete crosswords with this Reading Tray! Ideal to use on your bed or in your favourite chair, the sturdy design supports heavy books, while the bottom lip keeps magazines and iPads firmly in place…” (Source: Magnamail)

But I’m sure I can fit my Dell Inspiron on here too. Must look into the homewares section to get some of the hospital chic used in this photograph.

4. Support Cushion

This is going so well, I’m nearly there with my needs. This cushion will transfer to any seated situation, from coffee at BB’s Cafe, Meadowlands, to me driving errands in my Nissan Cube. I’ve just remembered I have the good seats for Celine Dion too! This cushion will be perfect to take and will not annoy the shit out of anyone at all.

5. Shower Rug

Ok, I may have got a bit sidetracked here, but this seems eminently sensible to me: a rug for the shower. They say it won’t get moldy, but it doesn’t matter because I’m a Life Member of the Shower Witch Society, and we members all have literally 80 litres of Shower Witch on standby at any given time.

So there we have it, what a glorious company, you should go there right now and get yourself an incredibly confusing set of Buddhas who are both laughing, but also not seeing, hearing or speaking evil.

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