The Lazy Susan: Sex on a Plate


On The Chase a while back, there was a question:

The decorative circular item that sits in the middle of a table and can be spun around is called a Lazy what?

Is it a) Sarah b) Stella or c) Susan?

Of course there was much pretending not to know, but eventually all agreed on c).

It reminded me of times in the past, long summers and somewhat unkempt nights at Chinese restaurants in Half Moon Bay …

Ostensibly a way of avoiding eye and body contact rather than a social lubricant, the Lazy Susan was almost like an early app for getting salt and pepper in front of you without the messy discourse of having to ‘ask’ beforehand.

It was usually glass, because green frosty glass is so chic and sexy.

My most enduring memory, though, is hand-tapping the rotating platter in order to get the Coruba rum in front of me or to get durries from one side of the table to the other lightning fast.

There was something about this device that fostered romance, too.

It was all too easy to get someone hot on the other side of you to get things around to you, like Coruba, durries, and a few grains of rice to line your stomach, and he could show off his sexual prowess by making the spin action go ‘just a bit too fast’, attracting the Confucian wise-eye of the nearby waiter. Eyes that said:

Silly fuckwit.  I hate you. Get out my restaurant.

But you didn’t get out, because the rotating device was hilarious and you were on your seventh Coruba ‘n’ Juice, since you’d run out of mixer earlier on.  Small pieces of fried rice peppered your handbag, and the walls of the restaurant, and you were an oblivious moron, all because of the Lazy Susan.


Lazy Susans aren’t just for meaningless dinner cavorting or a sexual hook-up tool!  You can get them to spin your spices as well as your cold cuts.  Only the best from the Briscoes Lady, here.




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