Once upon a time, in Fifth Form (Year 11), I took some subjects at school. I was asked to know my exact career path at age 15, and being from a fairly middle-class and therefore fortunate family, I simply answered… Continue Reading
The Everyman idea is a fallacy. The guy who refers to himself as “just a regular dad” is, in fact, Extremely Extreme Sports Dad, oft spotted doing the school run. He can do it because he’s his own boss. He… Continue Reading
A Sin Eater used to lay out bread on a corpse and eat the sin-soaked food and save a soul. I’m a modern-day Sin Eater. But still, give me platesful of corpse cake and take me to your graveside… Continue Reading
A Thousand Yards Between the blossom trees and along the straight, gravelled avenue the tall chimney rises. The polished steel is hot and deranges the stark slate of the blue sky beyond. You took one thousand strokes on a… Continue Reading
Tim Metcalfe is a hapless Englishman, stuck in the middle of others’ drama, in a suburb called Weatherfield. If you thought Steve MacDonald or Peter Barlow had fairly hard existences, think again. Windass Tim entered the show in 2013 as… Continue Reading
On Monday there was a wicker chair, its threads woven into the frame in a lacklustre taupe next to a rusted lamp stand. The shade askew and its plastic backing peeling. On the Wednesday it rained and the soaked carpets… Continue Reading
Last Sunday, we hit the smorgasbord sensation called Valentines. It was my daughter’s 7th birthday and I wanted her to have the experience of plenty. We arrived at 12pm. A cursory look around the joint revealed they’d removed the giant margarine… Continue Reading
I’m white and 45. When I was 25, I used to look at those birthday cards in the supermarket. The ones with ‘Naughty 40’ and ‘Nifty 50’. The card-makers would run out of ideas for the 60 year olds and… Continue Reading
My mother’s mother died when mum was 15. Mum cannot remember a time when her own mother wasn’t sick. Back in the 50s, people who needed long-term care were shunted from place to place. At one stage her mother was… Continue Reading
On The Chase a while back, there was a question: The decorative circular item that sits in the middle of a table and can be spun around is called a Lazy what? Is it a) Sarah b) Stella or c) Susan?… Continue Reading
Compliance is a kind of hell that doesn’t live in the bowels of the earth, it lives on your doorstep, in your letterbox and, at this time of year, in your child’s school bag in the form of a school… Continue Reading
We’ve all had a bad experience or three on Trade Me. It’s not the company per se, it’s the people who use it. A bit like hand guns. You’ve wrapped the six sets of Merino wool, never-worn socks. The money… Continue Reading
It screened last night. In a Dali-esque landscape, Jamie Whyte and his wife Zainab stroll and muse. Giraffes graze in the background. A red trumpet nestles into the nearby hillock. I’ve got one of those in my hillock. Haven’t you?… Continue Reading
And the gong goes to…the Chanui ad. I know I am about 6 months to a year behind here, but I was just sitting there tonight, watching the farce that is House Rules — you know, the one where… Continue Reading