It was Tarquin’s year. While everyone around him was falling to pieces over lockdowns or masks or Trump or Judith Collins, Tarquin had actually quite enjoyed the apocalypse. And then the strangest thing happened. It was the day that Twitter… Continue Reading
Any of you who are aged 50 years old or older will remember the good old days of buying second-hand goods in New Zealand. They were the days of the Trade & Exchange. If you wanted a good second-hand fridge… Continue Reading
Back in the good old days of what was known as Level 0 life, people used to develop unhealthy obsessions with men like Morten Harkett or Harry Styles and just be done with it. And you could kind of understand… Continue Reading
Tarquin stretched and yawned. It was a new, fresh day. There was nothing on his to-do list other than to roll over and sleep until 12:35, then hop out of bed and head to the kitchen where his mother was… Continue Reading
I needed to go to the supermarket. I got my bags (sanitized in the washing machine) my keys, washed my hands and said goodbye to my family. Once there, I waited in a queue that snaked out the rear door… Continue Reading
I was in Countdown today, and noticed the entire toilet paper section had been wiped clean, just like a computer hard drive. All that remained was the shelving and a few redundant price tags. Couples rounded the aisle entrance, hopeful… Continue Reading
Has there been anything more awkward in the last year than seeing the men of New Zealand making a trip to the supermarket, clutching a set of cloth shopping bags? Most of us have now completely adjusted to this modern-day… Continue Reading
Today I pulled into a service station to get my petrol, in a tidy and timely manner. I always like to pull up to the side of the pumps adjacent to my filler. The times I have tried to stretch… Continue Reading
I was doing a bit of a tidy up today and I came across some pictures of one of the houses in which we grew up. This was the second house mum and dad owned. It was the one before… Continue Reading
I was an awkward teen, a late starter in every way possible. I seemed to hit puberty later than everyone else. I lost my virginity at 18, way after everyone else. All through school until I left, I was a… Continue Reading
The school holidays are coming to a close, and parents everywhere are already drunk with excitement at the thought of little Tarquin and Bella returning to school, after school care, and out of sight quite frankly. The holidays always start… Continue Reading
Scene: A typical white middle class drink-up. It’s late. People are barefoot and sitting on the floor. Jonathan: (pouring a large bowl of Pinot Noir) So, is everyone ready for Game of Thrones? Helen: Oh yes. It’s amazing. And people… Continue Reading
Today on my errands, I happened upon a pair of mobile drape ladies, one of the most terrifying archetypes in human existence. Mobile drape ladies are a pair of ladies that travel in a Spotlight-branded van. They park up outside… Continue Reading
In New Zealand, in 1987, New Year’s Eve began at midday on the 30th December. This was signaled by whoever had backed the keg in the station wagon into the driveway. Once the keg had been tapped, it was a… Continue Reading