Last night, Episode Two of The Bachelor of New Zealand screened, and didn’t we all cringe though another episode, and ask ourselves why we were doing this, what with so much other quality viewing to choose from on terrestrial television.
Episode Two was like Coming Down Again, by the Stones.
Now that we have met the girls (and the boy), there’s no more secrets. Now, it’s just damn hard slog for the girls to ‘put out’ — metaphorically speaking — for this guy and to try to win his rosebud.
Share your thoughts, there’s nothing you can hide
Poppy is the first doe to be scented by this stag tonight. It’s a lovely beach theme, bit of one-on-one quality time with a few F ‘n’ Cs and Lindauer. Art’s a classy guy.
She was dying to survive
Soon, they are engaging in Poppy’s first love: sports. I would never do sports on a first date. I would never do sports ever.
She was showing no surprise
Poppy is sporty, Poppy is Art’s best friend. Poppy will be the girl that stays in Art’s contact book for the rest of his life, as a great friend.
Slipped my tongue in someone else’s pie
There’s a group date. Some are picked to attend “water sports” with Art. Some get to ride a ‘donut’ (?wtf’s a donut?). Others, the jet ski I had so hoped for in my last piece.
She turned green and tried to make me cry
Later, another classy cocktail night at the manse. For another time, it would be interesting to unpack the notion around a guy who rattles around in a big house alone seeking female company, and why women would think that signifies normal behaviour.
Brigitte is not well at the cocktail night. Brigitte gets attention. From The Bachelor. Nice move, Bridge.
On the prowl again
“I feel really bad. Did I interrupt something?”
That old ruse. Why couldn’t I ever remember this one when two people are practically mating?
And then, finally, The Rose Ceremony.
One of the girls is recorded looking on, wistfully.
And beautiful torture sums this show up. Like the great Tony Hadley once said:
It’s a terrible beauty we’ve made
So we make our love on wasteland
When you get to the end of a blog about a reality TV show and you are scratching around for a cheesy juxtaposition by a band who are currently embarking on their “The Inland Revenue are Hammering at My Door” tour, you know you need to stop.
Although, a guest appearance at the bach-manch would be completely boss. Just sayin’.