The Worst Ad In New Zealand History

      8 Comments on The Worst Ad In New Zealand History
chanui

Look into my eyes, not around the eyes; into the eyes.

 

And the gong goes to…the Chanui ad.

I know I am about 6 months to a year behind here, but I was just sitting there tonight, watching the farce that is House Rules — you know, the one where the millionaire gentry are posing as first homeowners (cough) — and up it came.

The guy from the Chanui ad.

I’m immediately thinking “raised on a fundamentalist Christian commune for sure”, and all the people who jump in to support the brand look like colluders in a great mind-bending tea scandal.

But of course, it’s just tea.  Tea for the workman.  Tea for the housewife.  Tea for the lonely housewife.  Tea for the fucking business analyst.  A tea for each and every demographic and type of New Zealander.

If you hate the tea, you’ll get your money back.  But, who in their right mind would want to deal with these people to get $3.36 back?  You might never get your mind back, let alone your money.

Your money back and (or) be drawn into the dark recesses of the proprietor’s madness.

Those eyes.  He searches your every mental crevice for weakness.  You know you want the tea.  You’re thirsty.  You need a good strong breakfast tea before hitting the building sites of the infill housing boom.  He knows, and you know.

From the company website, people are SAYING THINGS about the tea.

Jason, from Palmerston North, doesn’t usually like the sharpness of green tea.  But Chanui is different.  It treats his palate gently.  Gently stroking it, with overtones of honey and eroticism.

Even Kerry from Auckland — who was a dyed-in-the-wool Dilmah girl — has made the switch.  The switch of her life.  To Chanui, with a 100% money back guarantee.

Listening to this advertisement, and the selection of words in the script, makes me feel like I don’t need a cup of tea — I need a prescription for relaxants to ease my unease after seeing these unhinged people talk about tea as if it’s some kind of holy grail — of tea.

This advertisement is only rivalled by one other:  for wool insulation under the guise of a company called Earth Wool.

Earth Wool?   That sounds strangely similar to ‘toe jam.’

A man and wife duo shift large phallic objects around and into a very plain dwelling, while a rock tune that’s somewhere between Keith Urban and John ‘Man in Motion’ Parr drowns out any dialogue.  It doesn’t matter anyway because there’s subtitles.  Misspelled subtitles.

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I love recylced things. Recylcing. The way of the futrue.

And most perplexing of all — the product is pixelated, making it one of the most unintentionally funny advertisements in the history of humanity.

There is nothing more comic than a dude walking toward a woman, with a bit fat pixelated cylinder.

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A pixelated cylinder.

These two advertisements have one thing in common: the man who runs the store has made the ad; and it shows.

Congratulations on winning the Golden Chanui, for Worst Possible Advertising, and the Earth Wool Chalice for labyrinthine weirdness.

UPDATE!  The Earthwool folks have tried to fix the ad.  Read all about it here.  You know you care about this!

http://thesanecompanion.co.nz/earthwool/#sthash.f5PYoT4m.dpbs

8 thoughts on “The Worst Ad In New Zealand History

    1. KatherineKatherine Post author

      Oh God you are right! That’s why there’s all those tight shots in the chanui ad, so we don’t see the truth.

      Reply
  1. Craig

    My favorite sort of weird advert is the ‘Flooring Xtra’ one, where the lady writhes around on the wall as if she’s in one of those ‘can’t escape the monster’ dreams, then at the end that stern looking man rocks up and confidently crosses his arms. Who is that guy? (Has he kidnapped the lady? Is she trying to escape?).

    Reply
    1. KatherineKatherine Post author

      Don’t forget the miracle ladders guy. There’s 25 different sexy ways to position this ladder. He gets it out of his low-spec Mercedes which is parked on set and shows us just how small it can get, then just how big. Tee hee!

      Reply
      1. Craig

        For sheer out and out irritating, don’t forget the shouting blonde woman, I can’t even remember what she’s selling (furniture?). Everybody wants to be Michael Hill.

        Reply
    2. Gary James

      His name is John Simpson and he has the flooring xtra store in Timaru and also played #8 for many years for South Canterbury.

      Reply
  2. Dean

    [* Shield plugin marked this comment as “0”. Reason: Human SPAM filter found “!!” in “comment_content” *]
    The follow-up of Chanui – the ‘biscuits’, really takes the cake! With “We love Cha-nui!!” Exclaimed by (I might be mistaken) by the owner’s kids…?

    Reply

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