The Block is back, this time in Pt Chevalier, Auckland.
I went out there the other day to MOTAT and then the McDonalds on the main drag. Nice. Different. Not Meadowbank.
I do feel for its residents though. It’s going to be mighty busy from now on with aspirational Aucklanders jumping into their Boston Green 318i BMWs, blocking the residential areas of Pt Chev, parking over driveways to check their Google Maps to find out where these houses are.
This show sums up the concerns of our generation. A group of thirty-somethings leave their places of employment, homes and small children to get on the capital gains ladder at any cost. Love goes straight out the window, even in the relationships, some of which are suspiciously like business arrangements.
Who will win? Well history – of two seasons – shows that the ones without any ostensible humanity find it easy to put everything off the table except for absolute success. My belief is that they have done house renovation before, even though that does not suit the narrative of this show format: that these young ‘kids’ need a break to get into the housing game. I think that’s what it’s about anyway.
We’ve seen the reality of this in Mitre 10 Dream Home, where the ‘deserving poor’ compete to do up one of four absolute shitters, then get the chance to either win it or bid for it, which seems both cruel and rigged. Look at the poor peasants, begging for their house on national television.
I’m wondering why they don’t just build a house from scratch, such is the decay and skeletal presentation of the houses. I guess though, that the producers need to juxtapose something ruined with something renovated, for the less imaginative viewer. A before and after, if you will. A reverse Biggest Loser.
The contestants have been unveiled in the papers this week. They all look like joiner-inners.
1. Jo and Damo
Nice shortened, non-threatening names. They look like a couple. National voters probably. I’m picking these guys to win. Type A personalities. Damo is a policeman and Jo has her own…home furnishing business, according to Stuff. It would be a different story if Damo was a personal banker at Westpac and Jo a primary school teacher, wouldn’t it. They are not.
The nice couple. Labour voters. Probably a million kids at home aged 3 through to 15. A real couple. Workers, not shirkers. Won’t cheat. I hate to say this but might come second equal. The plaid shirt speaks of honesty and values. Not much scope for these on the show, but good luck guys.
Interchangeable names. Alex rocks the Rosie the Riveter look, but has no idea who that is. Corban looks like either some kind of designer or a Business Analyst. Professionals. Contenders. Aucklanders. I’m guessing they drive an Audi Wagon.
4. Quinn and Ben
Christchurch battlers. People’s choice already. No experience. But people always say that. They will have good reason to be doing this show and the public will back them. Really, really, ridiculously good-looking. Christians? Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Author, TCGW host and athlete, Mark Richardson. You can tell by that description that I rate him. I’m a fan. Not stalkery. He’s great in this role, as his sphincter seems to relax and he becomes the magnanimous host, rather than the long-suffering stalwart to Andrew Mulligan’s court fool. Shannon Ryan. I actually don’t know much about her, but she looks perfect. I like her already.
Let’s have a premature vote on it. Who do you think will win? Beware. I have thrown in a trick answer to keep you on your toes, because the brain cells you just lost reading about The Block can be restored. I can rebuild you.