The Block Fashion Police

The Block New Zealand

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Just got back from the school disco, where I accompanied my daughter and stepson.

It was great.  They had a ball, with the glo sticks, the sugar, the tooth decay and the nausea from listening to the music of Taylor Swift.

Once I’d settled on the couch and ordered dinner, I tuned into The Block finale.  Everyone is dressed up for the auction.  Some of it is ok.  I am no doyenne.  I went to the school disco in Countdown supermarket jeans, flouro sneakers, an anarchistic T-shirt and a stain on my jacket.

However, I had just finished work and I have no stylist.  These people have stylists and hairdressers for the night.

Jo and Damo

Jo is radiant in her wedding dress.  She’s keen to nail down this prime piece of Manawatu beef, obviously.  Damo scrubs up well.  He is my crush for tonight.  He is the Richie McCaw of reality television.  I am glad he has rid us of his bollock-revealing shorts.  That look is so ’80s maths teacher.  Did you ever have a maths teacher who insisted on explaining isosceles triangles with his leg up on a chair?  That.

Alex and Corban

Alex is rocking a Chelsea from Gloss look.  Big weapons-grade earrings and a cocktail ensemble.  Nice.  Corban looks the same as always.  It’s shabby chic.  Lots of facial stubble, glasses, ironic prints and all round … ummm … irony.

Maree and James

Maree’s manicure is slammin’. I wish I had the time to do a Twink nail.  Do you remember Twink?  Then you had to get the thinners, and then …  maths class was all over in a blur and life became wonderful again.  James looks the same.  He really is the Sean Bean of this show.  No matter what outfit you put him in, you cannot escape the fact that it’s James from The Block.

Quinn and Ben

Quinn is wearing her wedding dress.  Am I right in thinking these guys have never lived together until this show?  Wow, there’s an idea.  A bit like that episode of Kath & Kim where Kim decides to get pregnant and renovate the house simultaneously.

Stay tuned for more life-changing moments this week, as I talk about the school disco, The Walters Prize and take a pot shot at another terrible advertising travesty.

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