Shotgun Bullets and Laser Beams™

Here is a clip starter for this new enterprise, SI Empire, fronted by Nelson Patchett.

Like a pre-Sienna Miller Jude Law (or a younger Aaron Carter if we’re to be uncharitable), Nelson wanders through a vineyard, presumably a borrowed one, in a pair of tailored denim knee shorts and blazer, musing over philosophy, notions of power and the right thing to say at any given time, such as Hello.

He confronts us. Who wants to live in reality? What does reality have to offer (apart from taxpayer-funded roads on which to drive your Audi, and slave-labour coffee-bean harvesting for your espresso)? Ha! They are the circle people, trapped in their own shitty live-to-work paradigm.

Nelson isn’t concerned with such banality. He’s interested in fashion, tailoring, if you will. A small dark man helps a blonde Nelson into a suit jacket.  Take a social leap, says Nelson.

Over on the website, Nelson has divided the life of a man into four easy sections: health, fashion, social dynamics and, of course, business.

It’s all about business, networking. Parties are places where you can be the most attractive person in the room. Your iPhone is chokka full of useful numbers, your day is chokka full of appointments, ideas, the Good People.  Good People with the right vocal tonality.

I look forward to hearing more from Nelson in the near future and what he has to offer.

Could Nelson be just what New Zealand needs?


  1. Saw it on Reddit where someone wittier than me said that the walk through the vinyard in suit jacket and shorts reminded her of those kids books with pages divided into three so you can mix and match. She wondered if the camera zoomed out we might see that he is wearing frogman flippers.

  2. I’m not sure I “get” his idea that being a tory twat in boat shoes with a private vinyard and a sports car is indicative of “style” – he seems to have a combination of health and personal style/beauty tips for men, unrealistically high self-evaluations, and no noticeable profession or form of income. I’d suggest he’s a conman waiting to sell idiots self help ‘kits’ to get sex/money/respect anonymously online. It seems unfortunate that someone would be so preoccupied with the fantasy lifestyle of a late 80s metrosexual stockbroker-cum-conman

    • Totes. It is interesting though that the attention he is getting is working even though most of it is derogatory. I have a feeling that being notorious is as sought after as being adored for this guy and either will do.

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