The Suburban Shopping Mall

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  There is a place where we all ultimately go, like McDonald’s or BB’s Cafe, and that place is called the local shopping mall. The local malls have been undercut by the Westfields but they stand, steadfast, like a beacon of cheapness, scattered across suburban New Zealand. They’re places to go when the big malls are too scary, and you’re… Read more »

Blind date

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I recently heard a few tales of online dating. It seems there’s a swag of blokes out there who are great company, are CEOs, have extensive land portfolios and are generally all-round GCs. That’s what it says in their bio. Yet, they are single. What gives? And what happens when you swipe right? Let’s take a walk through a few… Read more »

Those who can, do. Those who can’t, bully

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A lot has been written around the workplace bully. One of the most prolific researchers was the late Tim Field who shared his findings here. He carried out fairly extensive research into how the bully operates in the workplace and it is quite an eye-opener. His premise is:  Those who can, do. Those who can’t, bully. In short, he asserted… Read more »

Great New Zealand Archetypes: The Used Car Salesman

I recently visited one of those great New Zealand institutions: the Greenlane car yard. This one was intimate and very close to the interchange. A small Gottage with a sliding door, an electric kettle and a clunky desktop computer formed the annex of this operation. It was raining. The water beaded off the cars, and the Greenlane roads roared with… Read more »

Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?

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  Function rooms and ferries everywhere are being hastily booked out in anticipation of the upcoming silly season, says every office manager across the land. Ask them. But what if you miss out on your booking? Are you going to have to have the party at … the manager’s house? Erase that negative thinking. There are other options left: the… Read more »

Wicker Chair

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On Monday there was a wicker chair, its threads woven into the frame in a lacklustre taupe next to a rusted lamp stand. The shade askew and its plastic backing peeling.   On the Wednesday it rained and the soaked carpets spored black. The vans stooped and floated past the busted plastic chairs towards the power drill with its cut… Read more »

New Zealand’s Hottest Broadcasters II

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Last year I wrote a heartfelt blog post about the weapons-grade heat being emitted by some of our broadcasters, be they television, radio or print media. We’ve since had flag debates, housing debates, debates about what’s fit for tele, and currently we are having all-important rugby debates. How I love them. But one thing remains assured, one thing that’s not… Read more »

Destiny’s Child: The New Jesus

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  Who is your Jesus? As Depeche Mode once semi-successfully said; Jesus is someone to hear your prayer, someone who cares. I have encountered different kinds of Jesus over the years. Firstly, let me just say; I am almost a fully-blown atheist. The ‘almost’ part is the agnostic remains, sitting patiently, waiting for that bolt of evidence to shake me… Read more »

Brut 33 as Motivational Discourse

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  Surely Liam Messam, and any guy in this country, knows of the Brut 33 curse? Worn only by year 12 students to the school formal in 1986—because a few droplets, only, remained in dad’s glass bottle on the glass shelf in the bathroom—Liam has taken a massive leap of faith to make the scent equivalent of Jamaican rum and… Read more »

Preloading for the World Cup

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A very wise woman on Twitter said in reply to something I Twote: @KStew70 It sounds like the pre-Ramadan stock-up by Middle Eastern expats….I need to head eastwards. — aluap (@kiwipaula) September 19, 2015 This is true. The context of our conversation was the beginning of the Rugby World Cup 2015, and the way rugby is tied to alcohol consumption…. Read more »

MasterChef New Zealand: Thus Spake Marco Pierre

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It’s episode 11 on season six of MasterChef New Zealand, and while at times it’s been a slog getting to this point, it seems that now the personalities of the judges are starting to evolve, finally. Ha ha. No, seriously, there are some spunky contestants, the spunky Lily, the spunky Hayley and the spunky Glenda balance out the drab but… Read more »

Facebook Activism: Will You Share This?

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I joined Facebook in 2007. Back then it was all about finding old friends—since sites like FriendsReunited and Old Friends were in vogue, and I believe that in some ways this was the start of the “Hey, look what happened to my life, I won!’ ethos of the early 21st century. But it was all about putting fish in other… Read more »

Compliance Hell: Saturday Sport

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Have you been at Saturday sports? Of course, it’s all about the kids. The children are our future. Let them play Saturday sport, and they will become rounded citizens. But what of the parents? What about them? They’ve been at work all week — working for The Man.  What they really want is a Saturday morning lie-in, optional-extra ‘knee trembler’,… Read more »

Shotgun Bullets and Laser Beams™

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Here is a clip starter for this new enterprise, SI Empire, fronted by Nelson Patchett. Like a pre-Sienna Miller Jude Law (or a younger Aaron Carter if we’re to be uncharitable), Nelson wanders through a vineyard, presumably a borrowed one, in a pair of tailored denim knee shorts and blazer, musing over philosophy, notions of power and the right… Read more »