MKR: Sudden Death of Food TV

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Gareth on the right. Bit of a crush.  I like you too Ben, but just as a friend.

Sometimes I head up these blog posts about New Zealand reality television, and I get up from the computer and go to the bathroom and take a long hard cold look at myself in the mirror.  My inner monologue screams “Why do you waste precious life-hours watching this wasteland of crap?”

There is no answer, for there is, no answer.

Meanwhile, tonight on MKR, some contestants had to feed some bikers, and as legend has taught us, no one is more stringent about food preparation, flavour or presentation, than a biker.

The teams have been whittled down to about six sets of cooks from the top of my head.  The stand-out cooks, for me, are Aaron and Heather who are not only gorgeous but I would eat their food even if I was dead.  I would get alive again and just eat it.   Dai and Dal also have the Midas touch with food, although lately they’ve made a few fuck ups, but you can plainly see the flair and fusion in their food, and again, it just looks so yummy and eaty.

It’s starting to get complex now as teams are running out of ideas for plates, and this was evident with Ricki and Jessie, who continue to serve up variations of Cobb ’n’ Co fare, and manage to scrape through because someone else served up a bad prawn …

DONG

[ the sound department have been told to bash the gong each time a bung meal is served.]

… and live to see another episode.

Steve and Maura missed their calling for The Block NZ.  They would be much better suited in a broader competition involving renovations, I think.  Whoever wrote their copy on the MKR site should be shot.  No one likes an overachiever.  No one votes for a marathon-running fucking trained chef fucking model-cum-business person.  [You guys are so going to win this].

And finally, the Corporate Dads.  Sigh.  What’s left to say about these guys?  They keep on slamming their massive proteins on the benches of the sudden death credenza.  Aaron, is full of David Brent-styled quotables.  I am pretty sure that after this show, he’ll become a motivational speaker, and call his business “Simply the Best”.

Christ, what a way to spend three hours a week of your life.  Dump that into the pool of The Block and Coronation Street, and you may as well delete your Facebook account right now as you’ve really got no friends.

 

Next time on The Sane Companion:  The Block NZ—One Week To Go.  Stay tuned for more literary nothingness.

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