She’s utterly beautiful, sexy, healthy and rich. We women have a lot of exposure to a Miranda Kerr that men do not.
Oh yes, we get the full nudity and all that, but we also get the spin, the politics. The bullshit.
Our Miranda is a mother, model, businesswoman (they all say that – I say self-employed), mogul and spokesperson of faux esoterica.
She is an Instagrammer, a Tweeter, a Facebooker, and tumblrer. She controls her image down to the last hair. She is a product endorser, a moneymaker and according to the Miranda Machine, a role model.
Kerr is a Kerr promoter and what looks good in this era is Everywoman. Not much has changed since Shirley Conran’s Superwoman.
So with all of this positive role modelling and…ah…general modelling, why do we hate* Miranda Kerr? Are we just jealous haters? Well, yes, partly. But actually it’s more complex than that.
Kerr is a divider. She polarises opinion among women about modelling, motherhood and moneymaking.
One of the first times I got a sense that she was unpopular was the reaction to her first breastfeeding photo.
She’d obviously gone to weapons-grade styling mode to arrive at the final pose, which ensured correct colour, pattern and placement. The baby is just divine but all attention is on Kerr, her red lips, slicked hair – and it feels more like an opportunity for a partially exposed breast rather than the documenting of a bonding experience.
If memory serves me well, there was also some attempt at advice on the merits of breastfeeding and how wonderful she was at that already. We know, and we know.
We don’t take well to self-aggrandizing talk at all.
Why don’t we hate Elle, Heidi and Naomi? We don’t hate Jess Hart and we love Kate Moss. Why?
These women aren’t trying to sell us a lie. In their ordinary lives, they mess up, they drink, they rehab. They smoke, they sometimes look terrible, they don’t vet questions before an interview. They are bright women, not calculating women. They’re models. They flog clobber, war paint, calendars. They are not fucking philosophers.
Not every move is pre-planned. Not every word is designed to elicit a Pavlovian response.
We mistrust this trait in women. It leads us to think that we are being sold a lie.
Because we are.
Also, come on, James Packer? What about gorgeous, magnanimous, funny Orlando? Slightly poorer Orlando, with just the 30 million in the bank?
Lucky Orlando. He’s been dispatched as a resource and is now free to experience unscripted love and lust the way it was meant to be.
*hate is a powerful word. Here at The Sane Companion we don’t endorse hatred. But it sounded better in print than ‘dislike’.