#DWTSNZ — The First Half

Dancing With the Stars shows us how quickly life moves on after a big and traumatic event like the final of Campbell Live.

But.

I think this is a great show for New Zealand. It’s so ‘New Zealand’. Dancing with the Stars is a fresh baked stack of pikelets on a Crown Lynn plate. It’s different entertainment than, say, The Bachelor where careful editing can create the desired narrative. With Dancing, if you drop your partner on their arse, it’s right there, live.

It’s started. Pam Corkery looks absolutely amazing. It’s nothing like I expected. I was thinking Shanton-meets-No 1 Shoe Warehouse, and I ONLY say that because I can relate to that look.

I notice Dominic Bowden. He’s gone from X Factor to this already. This guy is an unstoppable one-man rent-a-host. Hopefully he won’t forget which show he is hosting.

Colin Mathura-Jeffree is my best bet. As he glides down the stairs, his hair bounces as if it’s had a recent root perm. He’s hairy and he’s ready.

Shane Cameron materializes. Wow. Just. So, Shane? You fill that suit thing out so, so, much.

Candy Lane is sporting a particularly luxe wig. It’s very Burgundy’s of Parnell. She’s beautiful!

Hayley needs her mic turned on, and looks divine, and I like anyone who has dated Richie McCaw. It’s so New Zealand!

I would say at this point that the show has a very small budget of around $6.50, but boy, they’ve made it go a long way.

Simon Barnett is up next. Of course they chose Simon. He’ll introduce a sense of God-like wonder to the show. Back, sack ‘n’ crack, baby.

And this is the whole thing about this show. Simon’s performance is rather like watching a challenged donkey trying to be graceful, and it’s just so great. I can’t stop looking at his cleavage.

Stefano tells Simon to ‘butch it up’.

 

 

*crickets*

 

 

I’m still not too sure who the female host is at this point.

I’ve just had a major flashback to when extreme sportsman Steve Gurney was on the show. Such … intensity. Such … type A issues.

Is this set at the Mandalay, Newmarket? I’m expecting a wicker peacock chair in the green room for the after party.

Jay-Jay Harvey doing a Christina Aguilera. Nope. Nope. Although Stefano feels he would turn for this.

Please judges, make sure you give the correct accolades to the MediaWorks contestants.

Shane Cameron is up next. My enthusiasm is waning for this show though. I don’t think there is any sense of excitement as such, and that the contestants are being conveyer-belted through quite quickly.

But Shane might do ok. Nerida has dyed her hair pink because that’s so Dani right now.

It’s always a bad sign when you have to dance to a U2 Joshua Tree–phase song. It comes over a bit West Auckland pub dance night. I wish I had a jug of Leon Rouge to slam down on a counter in time to the music. Shane looks like a Destiny Church member.

Over on Twitter the #dwtsnz hashtag has been mass-muted. We all vowed not to watch MediaWorks shows in the wake of the Campbell Live demise. I did.

I’m back watching these shows though, because they contain New Zealanders, and I love New Zealanders.

Thank God Colin has turned up though. He’s such an intoxicating mix. I hope he wins this. Tonight, Colin’s hair is doing the jive. It has its own dance instructor. He beats it if it slips up. He’s competitive, he’s angry. He’s hairy. I’m not too shook on the George Michael beard, clothes and music, but there you go.

I’m spent. But there’s one more and it’s Pam and YES, they are going to show us the ‘clip’ from 2014. But whoever dressed Pam deserves a service medal. It’s not all about looks but it kind of is.  Unfortunately, Pam moves as I do after a few too many sherbets and it’s very clumsy. But good on her!

I’m done.

I guess at the end of all of this, a charity will win, and that sets it aside from the Bachelors and Blocks.

UPDATE: Here are the charities the stars are supporting:

Simon Barnett — Salvation Army

Siobhan Marshall — South Pacific Animal Welfare

Shane Cameron —  Child Cancer Foundation

Ben Barrington — St John

Pam Corkery — Higher Ground Drug Rehabilitation Trust

Chrystal Chennery — Home and Family Society Christchurch

Colin Mathura-Jeffree — Alzheimers New Zealand

Jay Jay Harvey — Fertility New Zealand

Maz Quinn — Surf Lifesaving New Zealand

Teuila Blakely — Women’s Refuge

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