Category Archives: General

The Demise of the Corner Takeaway

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  For the seven years I have lived in Meadowbank (Auckland, 1072), my corner shops have been the staple of my shopping week. There’s a couple I have never visited but really wanted to, namely a tanning clinic and hairdresser, and a computer repair shop. A dairy, an iteration of Portofino, and my corner takeaway, are corner-shop perfection. It was… Read more »

The Chase

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Of a weekday, you get The Chase after your “Maori News”. I’ve always watched Te Karere, always. I love it. It makes me feel like a proper New Zealander, unlike when I watch the news at 6pm. And then, The Chase. Danny from Coronation Street, with his frankly illegal eyelashes, shard-like blue eyes, and hilarious patter ushers out some of… Read more »

Trending: Dislike of the saying …

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It is what it is In all instances, this is a ballsack of an excuse for a saying. In this modern era of excuses, retractions, sidestepping and backpedalling, we need a one-size-fits-all statement of projection to push that nasty shit we pulled onto everyone else. Don’t like that thing I did? It is what it is. From the negotiating rooms… Read more »

Happy ANZAC Day: How Will We Remember Them?

It’s an inappropriate title for a day that I always thought was about remembering the horrors faced by men, but in particular, I always have memories of the remaining ANZACs being wheeled to the services on April 25 each year, sitting blanketed, medalled and proper world-weary. It was, most certainly, for them. What had the world become? Was this what… Read more »

How to Spot a Narcissist: Michael Bublé

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When I woke up this morning and flicked through Stuff online, I noticed an interesting story about an Instagram picture of Michael Bublé (posted 5 days ago). Michael Bublé is narcissistic. There was an opportunity to take a picture in a Miami store. He made a conscious decision to include an unsuspecting bystander in the picture. As far as I… Read more »

Staring into the Abyss: The School Run

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Have you ever done the school run? This is not a mummy blog. The school run has been much discussed using basic terms such as ‘chaos’, ‘stressful’ and ‘Armageddon’ but in reality these terms should only ever be applied to things like your parachute failing to open, or World War Two. If you have children — no matter what your… Read more »

Suburban Hell: The Inorganic Rubbish Collection

In my corner of suburbia, we are having the three-yearly rubbish collection of inorganic things that we collected free from the last curbside dumping and no longer require. It’s actually stressful. Ordinary rubbish day for most white New Zealanders is the apex of the working week.  Everywhere, on every street, there are clacky heels, striding the cold bitumen driveways to… Read more »

Don’t Bring Me Down: The Cosmo Files

  As an experiment recently, I purchased a year’s worth of old Cosmopolitan magazines. I’m normally a New Weekly type of magazine reader.  Absolutely no class, not trying to have any class, nothing informative.  It’s pure relaxation and mental chewing gum, rather like watching an episode of the Kardashians.  Lots of insinuations about girl-love and big close ups of Nicki… Read more »

15 Minutes in the Kutchun: MasterChef 2015

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MediaWorks TV are now on the lookout for contestants for a rebooted MasterChef New Zealand. Simon Gault has announced he wouldn’t return leaving three positions available for fresh meat.  The recent media release speaks of judges who are ‘formidable’. I can’t for the life of me work out whether food in this country is being eaten or worshipped.  I recommend… Read more »

Mum’s Night Off

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The New Zealand Pork (guffaw) Board has released a website and print advertising along the lines of: “Yo.  Thick, only-good-for-pouring-concrete ‘blokes’.  Get into the kitchen and cook some eggs.  If you do, you will get brownie points, and possibly a chance of getting sex.  It will only be in the missionary position though, (partner looking at ceiling making mental shopping… Read more »

Our First Home

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    A brand new multi-night series following three families as they put everything on the line to help their children onto the property ladder TVNZ has created a show for our times, and I am excited that it may open serious discussion around our obsession with home ownership. More interesting, though, is this show’s concept — that the parents… Read more »

How to serve coffee to a narcissist

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  I was listening to National Radio’s Summer Noelle programme today where Wuthering Heights was discussed as Sonia DeFrieze unpacked the character of Heathcliff. Oft described as a romantic anti-hero, I prefer, like DeFrieze, to think of him as a “sociopathic, hate-filled basket case” and so fucked up (that’s my turn of phrase) that woe betide those who cross him,… Read more »

PS4: Suburban Defender

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I’m about to pitch a new game to the people at Sony. It’s an RPG set in a dystopian future, of course.  The great thing about it is that you get to create the dystopian future in the first part of the game! You can choose a character from a wide list of types, and of course customize each to… Read more »

I never want to go home.

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There was a Facebook status idea circulating about the albums that made the biggest impact on you to date.  You had 15 minutes to ruminate on the list.  No need to position the list into ‘whys’; it’s just a list and like most of Facebook, it’s ephemeral and meaningless. I quite liked this idea.  As I wrote my list I… Read more »