Category Archives: General

The Sting of the Tweet

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I joined Twitter in 2012. My first followers were Marcus Lush and Ali Ikram, only because I followed them first. But they were my first. “What is this place?” I thought, so different from the Friends Reunited format of Facebook, where your pending friend request to your former lover/friend would sit unanswered for two months until you were shamefully forced… Read more »

Rites of Passage: New Zealand Survivor

  Survivor: Nicaragua begins tomorrow and I’m already laughing, because why do we think, in this country, that we have to go to “Nicaragua” to survive something? It’s a bit old-hat now that we have a housing and poverty crisis here in our first-world cities, and those of us who are at the opposite end of that continuum spend an… Read more »

The Sin Eater

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A Sin Eater used to lay out bread on a corpse and eat the sin-soaked food and save a soul.   I’m a modern-day Sin Eater. But still, give me platesful of corpse cake and take me to your graveside to dine alone.   The grave is freshly-dug and empty; so I wait. Wine (and bread) take away the sting… Read more »

The Crossing

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  I’ve just been to a new shopping complex in Tauranga called “Tauranga Crossing“. It sits in a new development in the Western Bay called The Lakes. The Warehouse Brand-new but age-old. Luxury aisles in which to swing your trolley toward the Rachel H fashion line or pallets of bulk-lolly mix. Here, you can also shop for Amy Winehouse on… Read more »

Back to School

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Many of us, on turning 45, decide that we desperately need to do a Masterate, and just like that we are back at university, such is the ease of enrolment, extramural study, access to money and the luxury of real thinking. Back in our first degrees, some of us hung on by the skin of our teeth. We’d reached the… Read more »

Blind date

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I recently heard a few tales of online dating. It seems there’s a swag of blokes out there who are great company, are CEOs, have extensive land portfolios and are generally all-round GCs. That’s what it says in their bio. Yet, they are single. What gives? And what happens when you swipe right? Let’s take a walk through a few… Read more »

Shotgun Bullets and Laser Beams™

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Here is a clip starter for this new enterprise, SI Empire, fronted by Nelson Patchett. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryd2NNlWxSQ Like a pre-Sienna Miller Jude Law (or a younger Aaron Carter if we’re to be uncharitable), Nelson wanders through a vineyard, presumably a borrowed one, in a pair of tailored denim knee shorts and blazer, musing over philosophy, notions of power and the right… Read more »

The Sands of Time

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“What was my Centrepoint? Either a radical sex cult or a place to buy Butterick 7634.”   I have this enduring image of my dad striding up the main drag of sand at Surfer’s Paradise, tanned, holding a briefcase, wearing a large and ungainly pair of mafia shades and decked out in a pair of speedos. That’s all. Oh, he… Read more »

The Demise of the Corner Takeaway

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  For the seven years I have lived in Meadowbank (Auckland, 1072), my corner shops have been the staple of my shopping week. There’s a couple I have never visited but really wanted to, namely a tanning clinic and hairdresser, and a computer repair shop. A dairy, an iteration of Portofino, and my corner takeaway, are corner-shop perfection. It was… Read more »

The Chase

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Of a weekday, you get The Chase after your “Maori News”. I’ve always watched Te Karere, always. I love it. It makes me feel like a proper New Zealander, unlike when I watch the news at 6pm. And then, The Chase. Danny from Coronation Street, with his frankly illegal eyelashes, shard-like blue eyes, and hilarious patter ushers out some of… Read more »