Category Archives: General

The Sin Eater

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A Sin Eater used to lay out bread on a corpse and eat the sin-soaked food and save a soul.   I’m a modern-day Sin Eater. But still, give me platesful of corpse cake and take me to your graveside to dine alone.   The grave is freshly-dug and empty; so I wait. Wine (and bread) take away the sting… Read more »

The Crossing

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  I’ve just been to a new shopping complex in Tauranga called “Tauranga Crossing“. It sits in a new development in the Western Bay called The Lakes. The Warehouse Brand-new but age-old. Luxury aisles in which to swing your trolley toward the Rachel H fashion line or pallets of bulk-lolly mix. Here, you can also shop for Amy Winehouse on… Read more »

Back to School

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Many of us, on turning 45, decide that we desperately need to do a Masterate, and just like that we are back at university, such is the ease of enrolment, extramural study, access to money and the luxury of real thinking. Back in our first degrees, some of us hung on by the skin of our teeth. We’d reached the… Read more »

Blind date

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I recently heard a few tales of online dating. It seems there’s a swag of blokes out there who are great company, are CEOs, have extensive land portfolios and are generally all-round GCs. That’s what it says in their bio. Yet, they are single. What gives? And what happens when you swipe right? Let’s take a walk through a few… Read more »

Shotgun Bullets and Laser Beams™

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Here is a clip starter for this new enterprise, SI Empire, fronted by Nelson Patchett. Like a pre-Sienna Miller Jude Law (or a younger Aaron Carter if we’re to be uncharitable), Nelson wanders through a vineyard, presumably a borrowed one, in a pair of tailored denim knee shorts and blazer, musing over philosophy, notions of power and the right… Read more »

The Sands of Time

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“What was my Centrepoint? Either a radical sex cult or a place to buy Butterick 7634.”   I have this enduring image of my dad striding up the main drag of sand at Surfer’s Paradise, tanned, holding a briefcase, wearing a large and ungainly pair of mafia shades and decked out in a pair of speedos. That’s all. Oh, he… Read more »

The Demise of the Corner Takeaway

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  For the seven years I have lived in Meadowbank (Auckland, 1072), my corner shops have been the staple of my shopping week. There’s a couple I have never visited but really wanted to, namely a tanning clinic and hairdresser, and a computer repair shop. A dairy, an iteration of Portofino, and my corner takeaway, are corner-shop perfection. It was… Read more »

The Chase

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Of a weekday, you get The Chase after your “Maori News”. I’ve always watched Te Karere, always. I love it. It makes me feel like a proper New Zealander, unlike when I watch the news at 6pm. And then, The Chase. Danny from Coronation Street, with his frankly illegal eyelashes, shard-like blue eyes, and hilarious patter ushers out some of… Read more »

Trending: Dislike of the saying …

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It is what it is In all instances, this is a ballsack of an excuse for a saying. In this modern era of excuses, retractions, sidestepping and backpedalling, we need a one-size-fits-all statement of projection to push that nasty shit we pulled onto everyone else. Don’t like that thing I did? It is what it is. From the negotiating rooms… Read more »

Happy ANZAC Day: How Will We Remember Them?

It’s an inappropriate title for a day that I always thought was about remembering the horrors faced by men, but in particular, I always have memories of the remaining ANZACs being wheeled to the services on April 25 each year, sitting blanketed, medalled and proper world-weary. It was, most certainly, for them. What had the world become? Was this what… Read more »