Monthly Archives: August 2014

The Resignation

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I became a virtuoso of deceit. It wasn’t pleasure I was after, it was knowledge. I consulted the strictest moralists to learn how to appear, philosophers to find out what to think, and novelists to see what I could get away with, and in the end, I distilled everything to one wonderfully simple principle: win or die.

Dirty Fashions: Election Edition

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Policy wars, first debates and USB sticks filled with grotesque secret emails aside, there’s something else awful happening in the political sphere this month. Fashion. Let’s cut to it: 1. Mike Hosking’s 3-Piece Suit, The First Leaders’ Debate, TVNZ1 Hosking was clearly wanting approval. The only reason you’d wear your best 3-piece on live television is if you thought you… Read more »

Surreal landscapes: The Act Party Opening Address

It screened last night. In a Dali-esque landscape, Jamie Whyte and his wife Zainab stroll and muse.  Giraffes graze in the background.  A red trumpet nestles into the nearby hillock.  I’ve got one of those in my hillock.  Haven’t you? No, you are not on bad acid.  This is the opening address for the 2014 General Election for the Act… Read more »

Whale Oil of a Different Kind

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  Let me try to explain this modern art lark. You’ve got the day off work.  It’s sunny.  All you want to do is something different.  You’re tired of politics and rugby.  You’re sick of Soho and delivered pizza. You’re tired of thinking Ponsonby might have something to offer you as an individual.  You decide to try the Gallery because… Read more »

The Worst Ad Fix-Up in New Zealand History

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  Nothing has got chins wagging more than the perplexing and sometimes terrifying Earthwool ad.  If you want some background to this mistake, read this now. If you haven’t clapped your eyes on this,  it’s probably too late.  It’s on at random times and channels like The Box. The Box is a Sky Channel that plays back to back episodes of… Read more »

Craft Beer and Craft Beards

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Once upon a time, I used to attend a Craft Fair in what was called the Cook Street Hall, Howick,  Auckland. They had small useless patches of felt covered with beading that you placed on your mantle piece.  They had doilies.  There were big bright jars filled with amber liquid and stuffed with yellow capsicums. There were carved driftwood Kiwi… Read more »

Why do women hate Miranda Kerr?

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Miranda Kerr. She’s utterly beautiful, sexy, healthy and rich.  We women have a lot of exposure to a Miranda Kerr that men do not. Oh yes, we get the full nudity and all that, but we also get the spin, the politics.  The bullshit. Our Miranda is a mother, model, businesswoman (they all say that – I say self-employed), mogul… Read more »


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I’ve spent the morning thinking about perfectionism. It goes back to Plato, I think.  Didn’t Plato believe that everything had a perfect form in theory and its material version imperfect; the ideal version of that object, perfect? In layman’s talk that means my kitchen table has a perfect form of itself – in theory –  up in the ether, that… Read more »

Is John Key Sexist?

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  You’ve heard how John Key referred to Kim Dotcom as Laila Harré’s  ‘Sugar Daddy’. It’s also a song by the Jackson 5:   The whole world’s talkin’ ’bout How I’m your Standby Santa Claus   The suggestion of Sugar Daddy is usually that an older man is funding the material lifestyle of a younger woman in exchange for access… Read more »

Comfortably Shite: The Worst Cover Band Ever

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  On You Tube, there is a clip of a live band doing a cover of Comfortably Numb at an outdoor charity gig. There are some obvious problems with it.  So this post is going to be…a bit obvious. Hello…is there anybody in there? It looks like the gig was held in the same town as the Double Deuce in… Read more »

The Biggest Mistake of My Life

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  What’s the biggest mistake you ever made? We try to avoid scenarios we might regret, but indeed regrettably, our fallibility and earnest pursuit of goodwill can leave us socially, emotionally and financially fucked. What’s your biggest mistake? Mine was an 8 year farce, known loosely as a relationship.  Don’t worry.  If you are reading this, it’s not you, I… Read more »